Thursday, January 30, 2014

Social judging

Today I learned that CC should be in a rear facing carseat until AT LEAST age 4 and after that keep him in a 5 point harness until age 6. OMG. 

My lesson today, do not ask carseat groups any questions unless you are ready for the only and one way to transport said child. 

So I wonder if back in the day there was so much judging as there is now in the parent world or is it social media that caused that.

I'm frustrated with judging Moms. Sure we all do it to an extent- oh you mean you don't use a car seat for your 10 month old and shoot up crack between feeds. Oh ok. 

Seriously though, I truly feel that most parents have the best intentions for their child. Obviously we all don't want our precious cargo harmed especially because of a bad parenting decision that one stranger will put blame on you for.

For example,

I made a choice 3 years ago that I was going to attempt breast feeding. I was well aware of the benefits and even though I didn't grow up watching my Mom breast feed my 3 younger siblings I figured I would give it a shot. MAYBE my intentions were more of the route that I would lose weight faster and it was free (gasp). But 7 weeks into it I realized it was SO not for me. So I dropped out.

BUT OMG I.felt.awful. 

I mean, I was still feeding CC. He was gaining weight and happy as can be. But I wanted to hide in a corner because if the wrong person found out I would have to hear all the benefits he was missing out on and once again feel like a failure.

But I wasn't. I knew that deep down.

Then came crying it out. Little did I know what a phenom en this was. Apparently I was an evil human being for wanting CC to learn some self soothing skills. And hey guess what, he survived! 3 days in and he was a master as passion gout on his own. Go me!

I could keep going on all the socially unacceptable & unpopular things we did with CC. I know those blogs have been written so I don't need to go there.

Quite honestly, I know we are all guilty at some point. But why all the extremes? Is it a social media thing? A law you must abide to if Internet Mom says so? I mean to each their own and if you want to do it the opposite way, so be it. It doesn't change me, right?

I already lost one child so I think I am well aware of the safety of my 2nd. I do my best at keeping him safe and happy. And so what if you do it different, that's the beauty of parenting. 


Brie said...

We all do what we deem best for our children. And what's right for me, may not be right for my neighbor. This is the beauty of being a parent. YOU and only you make the decisions for your family. I think that many people feel so powerful behind the keyboard, under a screen name, from the comfort of their couch..they can judge away and present themselves as the "perfect" parent with all the answers..meanwhile, their kids are probably out playing on the train tracks and their marriages falling apart. It's so easy to hide insecurities on the Internet and come across as an expert...I guess my point is that NOBODY knows what's best for you or your family except for YOU.

Jilean said...

you must have joined the car seats for littles group on facebook? lol, if not that one, don't - because they are EXTREMELY judgy and it's just not cool.

m&msmommy said...

I think social media is AWFUL when it comes to making moms feel like we aren't doing our's ridiculous! I don't know how many times I've gone to post a picture on Facebook, etc. and second guess it (or don't post it all) because goodness forbid someone sees it, and is just beside themselves that I started feeding my 4 month old cereal (with her pediatricians approval!) and how dare I do that when children shouldn't eat food until 6 months, and then it should be homemade, organic, grown in your own garden with grass that you also grew yourself, etc. ;) I am raising 3 children (8, 4 and 4.5 months) who all seem relatively happy and well adjusted, and I think that counts for something but dare I turn my child around in their carseat before their 15th birthday and I might as well have my children taken away by the state! :) Tomorrow, I will be getting my 4 month olds ears pierced. It's a family thing (all the girls in my family had it done as babies), my mom was born in Italy (when she was born they did it in the hospitals) but I"m already DREADING putting up pics because you know there will be those people that chime, "It should be her choice when she's older", "Babies shouldn't wear earrings", etc. And that's fine if that's what you choose for YOUR children, but MY girls get theirs ears piereced as babies! It's a vicious cylce! :)

Sorry, for rambling, it just drives me insane how judgy parents are! :)

belle said...

Bravo Ashley! Take a stand on what's right for you and don't let others bully you.

Good for you, if moms would quit judging and start listening to each other, we could collectively move some major mountains and solve some major world problems by shaping the next generation!

CC is just so adorably cute btw. :)

lhoglan said...

I agree we all try to do what we can for out children and others need to just stop. i can be loud when people say mean stuff... like you ONLY breastfed till 6 weeks. i went off on a stranger once for saying that to me. i said how dare you say anything to me when you don't know my situation. why cant mom understand that we do what is best for our children? i also let B cry it out and am so glad i did when i hear about moms stating they don't get any sleep b/c their kids cry all night.

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Michelle said...

I can relate to this post. I do my best not to judge other moms!