There was once a time I laid in bed in tears wondering what it was like to be a Mom. Well a Mom to a little boy here on Earth. I would scour the Internet looking for someone just like me, someone I could relate to. Someone that too felt so lonely and isolated in this world swallowed in unimaginable grief.
I found comfort in blogging and in turn met many many women who too gone through such grief. I had a lot of time on my hands. A LOT.
I blogged and blogged and blogged again. Words just flew out on to the keyboard.
And then I look at my last blog post and it was like... a million years ago. Seriously- over 9 months ago.
Life I guess. Life got in the way. But a good way. And I am loving every single last second of it. It's not as easy to write anymore. I am unsure if it's because I am in a much better place and I find it harder to write with ease or is it the 37lb toddler I am trying to keep up with? Granted sometimes when I need to write most over the past year, it's had to do with work and the emotions working in the NICU has brought me and well, I can't say much due to HIPPA. So I am stuck.
Either way- I miss it. I love going back the past few years and watching our family grow and documenting the little things I don't ever want to forget. I want to savor every second just as I did in Nolan's short little life. I am so thankful I did, because almost 4 years later...the little moments are fading but the words I wrote in those very days quickly and vividly remind me of what happened.